My Experience With Weed

I had just moved out of my parents house and was sharing a room with my “friend”. I had no idea he smoked weed, despite his suspicious movements and signature weed scent(abi na odour?) barely two weeks after moving in with him, my worst fears were confirmed as he started bringing home his weed smoking…

My Oga Down Below

****I have actually not written in a while not of my own making,But NYSC is over and I’ve been trekking the streets of Lagos,Submitting my C.V everywhere possible,I can bet that even that office where you work has a copy of my CV.Please, if you come across it,Kindly inform your Oga at the Top to…

Easter Experience

Can a man rob God? Na the last thing wen comot for pastor mouth before we hear the sound kpraka kpraka followed by “Everybody lie down flat”. Real street no even need hear lie down flat before you begin enter ground like seed wen dem wan plant. Who go dey Ajegunle wen no go sabi…

Food Is Ready

(Light dims, curtain opens) It all starts with one of ma friends He had spent almost two semesters, Chasing and hunting down dis particular girl, But no service mein!!!! She just felt my friend was not good enough for her or maybe something else, because any move he was making was yielding no results…. He…

My Oga Down Below

I have actually not written in a while not of my own making, But NYSC is over and I’ve been trekking the streets of Lagos, Submitting my C.V everywhere possible, I can bet that even that office where you work has a copy of my CV. Please, if you come across it, Kindly inform your…

Agbada

There’s something about wearing agbada. Even if you have one of those empty barrel that makes the loudest noise type of pocket, it makes you feel rich. You’ll walk by every mirror smiling and asking the affluent reflection you’re seeing “who’s your daddy?”. What’s more? People treat you different. They open doors for you. They…

Dearest Nigerian Police

Middle of Nowhere, Offshore Nigeria, 17th August, 2018. Dearest Nigerian Police force, I write to you as a friend. I know I am one. After all, every time my footsteps have been ordered [enemies will read this as forced] to your Station I see it boldly written there. ‘The Police is your friend’. So I’ll…

WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE

Honestly I’m not happy. Why do bad things happen to good people.Why can’t these village people leave me alone.  Today in church, don’t worry there was no sister who on receiving it, screamed ‘ride on pastor’ in a breathy and highly suspicious voice. There was no launching of a book titled ‘ enter into her…

Naija Tailors

You’ll Give a Nigerian tailor a material in 1967 and say to him/her  ‘abeg oh I go use am for 2015, shey e go don ready by then’ To which they’ll reply  ‘ah ah oga! Why you dey talk like this. 2015 still far na. me? Tailor swift? Oga come by 12 midnight for 1914…

African Parents

African parents can be savages eh; mothers especially. They can turn the most innocent situations around. Simple question you’ll ask and the answer you’ll get will make you want to take a paper and write ‘knock me I’m a bloodless fool’, paste it on your back and walk around your estate receiving konks from random…